By David Joel Miller
Are internet affairs real affairs?
Cheating
Photo Courtesy of Flickr (deanhatescoffee)
The internet has changed the way we interact with others forever. Social media, Blogs and member sites have opened up new possibilities for connecting with others. It has also resulted in a whole new set of conflicts for couples. Internet created or maintained affairs are one such problem.
The way in which one partner in a relationship uses the internet has serious implications for a couple’s relationship. The mental health profession is still sorting out the effects of internet issues on relationships. One area that is particularly troublesome is how far is too far when it comes to interacting with members of the opposite sex.
Some of the questions being asked are:
When does talking to others online slide over into a virtual affair?
Is it really an affair of they never get together and exchange bodily fluids?
Does it matter if the person you are talking to is real?
Can you fall in love with an avatar or someone that never exists outside the internet?
The internet has altered the affair landscape and has created a whole new set of problems for couples and families.
In the past affairs required two people to meet in real-time and space. The major places were affairs occurred were between two people who were working together, someone you might meet if you were out at a bar or things that might happen when a person was away from home for an extended time. So in the past either there was a high chance that the non-affair party would find out or might know the affair partner. Otherwise the affair would be a brief occurrence while one party to a relationship was away from home.
The internet has made it easier for people to meet, and to continue interacting with each other. It has opened up the possibilities for affairs for those who were predisposed.
The internet has also blurred the line on what constitutes flirting and when has it crossed over into an affair.
In person people are often deceived every day. The deceptions are different in kind and in magnitude from, the deceptions that are occurring on-line.
While someone in the bar may represent themselves as single and really be married, the online deceiver can misrepresent their gender, age, appearance and life story. People can and do fall “in love” with fictional characters that turnout to not be real people.
If you or your partner has had an internet affair, that does not need to spell an end to your relationship. What you need to do is to talk this out and find ways to be sure it has come to an end and that it is unlikely to happen again.
Marriage counseling can help med a damaged relationship before it becomes permanently broken. Sometimes individual; counseling is also helpful in helping the affair partner to understand why they did what they did. It can also be useful to help the injured party cope with all that anger and hurt.
If you think that you could use some help with internet usage issues or affair behavior issues please contact me and we can talk about how counseling might help you get through this situation.
For more about David Joel Miller and my work in the areas of mental health, substance abuse and Co-occurring disorders see the About Us page. For information about my other writing work beyond this blog check out my Google+ page or the Facebook author’s page, up under David Joel Miller. Posts to the “books, trainings and classes” category will tell you about those activities. If you are in the Fresno California area, information about my private practice is at counselorfresno.com. A list of books I have read and can recommend is over at http://www.counselorfresno.com/recommended-books/
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